


the mono fic

by hoziertozier



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Mono - Freeform, Sick Fic, groupchat, text fic, thats it thats the fic, the entire losers club gets mono
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22167193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoziertozier/pseuds/hoziertozier
Summary: The members of the Loser's Club all get sick- who brought illness into their household?????Also, there's a lot of texting.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh - Relationship, also minor whatever is going on with Mike Stan and Bill
Comments: 19
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my first foray back into fic writing! I'd like to thank everyone in the shark puppy discord server who supported and encouraged me to write this mess. 
> 
> Groupchat names:
> 
> Jared 19: Bill
> 
> Mothertrucker: Ben
> 
> Ms Keisha: Bev
> 
> Iridocyclitis: Stan
> 
> Micbhael: Mike
> 
> WTF Richard: Eddie
> 
> Freesha Vacadoo: Richie
> 
> there are reasons behind these names. no i will not elaborate on them.

Richie loved Rusty’s Friday. 

Every Friday after school for the past 2 years, the Losers would walk together to a shitty little deli about 10 minutes from their highschool, where the seven of them would get shitty, greasy hamburgers and push two tables together in the back and sit fucking around for 2 hours til their “after school extracurricular activities” were done and their parents came to get them.

Eddie usually didn’t get a burger, complained about the grease and the amount of fat and diabetes and heart disease, blah blah fucking blah. So he would always go next door to the ice cream place and snag a cone. The owner of the deli, Dickie, didn’t mind him bringing in outside food; the rest of the little group of assholes always bought enough food to more than round out his rent check. 

This Friday was no different. It was just after spring break’s end, still chilly enough out that sweaters and hats were needed. Eddie walked to the back with his birthday cake cone and sat in the chair open next to Richie (there was always a chair open next to Richie). He licked a few stripes around his treat before offering it to Richie, as always. And Richie took a bite out of it, as always. And, as always, there were shouts of horror from around the table. Richie swallowed the bite down and smiled brightly at his friends. Sure, the cold stung his teeth, but he did it every time anyways. He’d do anything to get his favorite sounds out of his favorite people; their laughter was all he needed.

~~~~

Ben loved Rusty’s Friday.

There was a sort of ritual to it; the seven of them meeting up by the giant rock in the front of the school, then walking together and catching up and complaining, then getting the same foods they always got because it was Rusty’s. That’s just how it was. 

Ben sat down with his coke next to Bev. He tried to open it. 

Nothing. 

No budge.

“Here, I’ve got a bottle opener on my keychain. I’ll open it if you give me a sip.” Bev said, elbowing him playfully. Ben smiled.

“Sure, thanks! You can have as many sips as you want, I can always grab us another when it runs out.” 

Bev grinned and brought her keyring out, popping the cap off the coke and taking the first cool, fresh, bubbly swig for herself. It was her payment, of course. Ben didn’t mind at all. He took the bottle from her and had a few gulps himself. It felt right.

~~~~

Bill loved Rusty’s Friday.

Since starting high school, there’d been the worry that his friends would get so busy and caught up in clubs, sports, college prep- whatever -that they’d slowly start to drift apart. But Bill had come up with a plan. During the first week of classes their freshmen year, Bill pitched it to the rest of them: they could make their club of losers an actual club. Or at least tell their parents it was. Eddie could claim it was PSAT prep, Bev could call it fashion club, Stan could pull the old bird-watching card; it was fool proof, and would guarantee them 2 hours of Loser time every Friday. As for why their parents were picking them up at Rusty’s, of course, they could just say that they wanted to grab some food after club. No big deal.

Bill laughed as Mike snorted pink lemonade through his nose at Richie’s impression of their algebra teacher. Stan grinned and used Mike’s momentary distraction of pain to steal a sip of his lemonade, and Bill got a wonderful idea. As Mike groaned in pain, Bill snatched the half eaten fry from out of his hand and popped it in his mouth. Mike looked up at him bewildered, glancing back and forth between Bill and his fingers, frozen in place like the ghost of his french fry still remained in them. A laugh burst out of Stan, like Mike’s expression was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. Bill’s face flushed. Everything was perfect.

~~one month and three days later~~

Richie woke up absolutely covered in sweat. There were goosebumps all over his skin, and as he moved to sit up he felt soreness whining throughout his body. He groaned and flopped back down onto his bed. 

“MAAAAA!” 

“WHAAAAAT?”

“I THINK I’M DYING!”

Maggie Tozier walked into Richie’s room sighing, doubt etched onto every portion of her face. It was a Monday, and he was 16. She knew this game. That is, she thought she did, until she sat on the edge of Richie’s bed and placed her hand on his forehead. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Honey, you’re burning up. What all hurts?” Richie groaned.

“Everything, like, just even moving a little, it’s like my bones are screaming. They’re crying, ma. They’ve been used, abused, carrying the heav-” A vicious cough barked out of Richie. His throat felt like shit. God, how had he not noticed it before?

Maggie frowned slightly. “Okay, sit tight, I’ll grab you some water and asprin. Thermometer too, let’s see just how bad this is.”

“Oh yeah, like I’m gonna go anywhere. Thanks for the hopeful demeanor.”

“No problem.” And she pushed his hair off of his sweaty forehead and walked out of his room. She didn’t even suggest he try to go to school.

~~~~

Loser Chat

Freesha Vacado: woke up with my body stiffer than my dick and hotter than eddies mom, have fun in hell w/o me

Ms Keisha: oh no richie :( 

WTF Richard: Fuck you, you probably earned it. 

Micbhael: I woke up sore too, think im gonna rest.

Freesha Vacadoo: mikey we shall die as brothers

Iridocyclitis: Put your phone away and sleep, asshole. I’ll grab notes for you.

Freesha Vacadoo: ilu bb

Iridocyclitis: Please learn to type.

~~~~

Ben closed his eyes and leaned his head against his locker. All the lights felt too bright. His brain felt like it had its own heartbeat, pulses waving out from the center of his skull to his eyes and ears. 

This morning he’d awoken with a tickle in his throat, but nothing a little tea wouldn’t take care of. At least, that’s what he’d thought. It was second period and the itch was already back. He’d raised his hand to excuse himself from class for some water and quickly retreated to the hallway. Every pencil drop, every whisper, every laugh and thud of a book made him tense more and more. This headache was fucking awful. Ben scrubbed his hands over his face and went back into class. Stan raised an eyebrow in concern, but Ben just did his best to smile back, let Stan know it wasn’t a big deal. 

When the bell rang, Ben winced and pressed his hands to his ears. Stan walked up, still watching, still worried. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just, bad headache, I guess. I’m gonna go to the nurse for some medicine, I think.”

“You want any help getting there?” Ben smiled weakly and shook his head.

“I’ll be fine. I know you hate being late. Go on, I’m good.” Stan pursed his lips slightly before glancing at the clock. He hated being late. It made him itchy. Anxious. 

“Alright, just text me an update once you get the medicine, if you feel better.”

“Will do.”

Ben shouldered his bag and parted ways with Stan. At the nurse’s office, Nurse Fuller sat him down, sticking a thermometer in his mouth as part of the standard for every nurse visit. A few seconds later it beeped, and Nurse Fuller frowned.

“You’ve got a fever kiddo.”

~~~~

Loser Chat

Iridocyclitis: Ben just went to the nurse with a headache. He said it was nothing, but I’m just wondering, Richie and Mike do your heads hurt too?

Micbhael: Well yeah, but my whole body hurts, so

Freesha Vacadoo: oh my head feels juuuuuust fine

Ms Keisha: head with the glasses, rich

Freesha Vacadoo: oh

Freesha Vacadoo: ya no thats shit

WTF Richard: I swear to god if you guys are all sick I’ll kill you myself. 

WTF Richard: If I catch whatever the fuck you have I’ll take you all apart slowly and painfully. That’s a fucking promise.

Ms Keisha: unclench eddie, if anything its just a cold

Ms Keisha: nbd

WTF Richard: A cold is enough to make you immunocompromised! It’s the gateway drug of illnesses!

Freesha Vacadoo: pls b quieter ur too loud

WTF Richard: I’m literally not even talking, this is a text format Richie.

Freesha Vacadoo: ur screaming inside tho

Freesha Vacadoo: i hear it

WTF Richard: Fuck you.

Mothertrucker: Hey guys, I’m going home. I’ve got a fever along with the headache. Can you guys get notes for me?

Ms Keisha: oh no ben!!!

Ms Keisha: another victim falls

Iridocyclitis: We’ve got your notes covered, feel better Ben.

WTF Richard: This is horrible.

WTF Richard: This is like watching everyone in your survivors group slowly succumb to the zombie disease until you’re the only one left and you have to kill all of them.

Micbhael: Has anyone heard from Bill all day???

Ms Keisha: :|

WTF Richard: Oh god no.

Iridocyclitis: Jesus fucking Christ.

~~~~

Bill rubbed his eyes and walked numbly out of his third block classroom. He felt a little like he was swimming. He hadn’t slept well to begin with, and was tired all the Sunday before as well, but he’d popped some tylenol and drank some coffee and tried to power through. 

The past three classes had gone by in a daze, though. Bill couldn’t for the life of him recall what they had talked about, and if anyone asked what class he had just left he wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to tell them. He ambled down the hallway to the cafeteria and all but threw himself into his spot at the Loser’s lunch table. He pressed his head to the table surface and sighed, moving slightly to pillow himself with his arms.

Eddie was disgusted.

“What the fuck, get your head off the table! We don’t know how well they cleaned this shit, it could have had mice or rat shit on it, been crawled over by any number of bugs, at the fucking least let me wipe your spot down with some fucking wipes!” 

Bill groaned and lifted his head- when had it gotten so heavy -to look at Eddie. The look of disgust that met him quickly paled. Bev’s eyes went wide.

“Bill, you look awful.” She said.

“Hnn.” Bill replied. Stan put his hand against Bill’s forehead and Bill leaned into the touch.

“He’s warm....”

“Jaundice.” The other three turned to Eddie, who was still staring at Bill with a look akin to fear on his face. “It’s jaundice. Look at how sunken his eyes are, he’s probably exhausted, and the slight yellow undertone to his skin- that’s not normal! He’s sick! He’s got fucking jaundice! Fuck, fuck, fuck, don’t-”

“Don’t be a prick, Eddie!” Bev snapped. Eddie shut up immediately, but his cheeks were puffed up slightly with the air that he’d been about to use to probably start trying to exorcise the sick from Bill, or something. That’s what Bill thought. Eddie was looking at him like he was possessed, and only the holy hand sanitizer could protect him from his sins. Bill laughed a little bit to himself.

“Why the fuck is he laughing?!” Eddie moved his things as far as he could from Bill, looking nervously from Stan to Bev. Stan grimaced.

“He’s lost it, I think. Fully nuts. Congrats Bill, you beat Richie to it. Now come on, you’re going to the nurse.” Stan gathered up his and Bill’s bags, declining Bev’s offer to help carry anything. He hooked Bill’s arm around his neck and helped to hoist him to his feet, allowing Bill to lean on him and be led out of the cafeteria to the nurse’s office.

~~~~

Loser Chat

Ms Keisha: big bill is down, i repeat, big bill is down

Micbhael: D:

Freesha Vacadoo: fucknin

Freesha Vacadoo: rip

WTF Richard: He looked awful, I’m pretty sure it was an early onset of jaundice. He needs fluids, we all need to up our fluid intake incase what caused it is infectious.

Ms Keisha: ok 1 im p sure the yellow tinge was just the fluorescents in the caf, but go off

Ms Keisha: 2 im also p sure this is gonna b the same thing everyone has

Ms Keisha: too much of a coincidence not to be

Freesha Vacadoo: better up ur vitamin intake eddie spaghetti

WTF Richard: I FUCKING HATE THIS FAMILY!!!!

Iridocyclitis: Big Bill has been dropped off at the nurse’s office. I saw three more kids in there with similar exhausted looks. Prepare for an epidemic.

Ms Keisha: jfc

Ms Keisha: eddie is panicking, thanks for the update stan the man

Iridocyclitis: I aim to please, Ms. Marsh.

~~~

Tuesday

Loser Chat

Mothertrucker: Not to be dramatic or anything, but could someone decapitate me?

Mothertrucker: Just out of curiosity.

Iridocyclitis: I’d usually volunteer but I’m in bed with a fever of 101. Finish the job yourself.

Mothertrucker: :(((

Micbhael: I don’t want to tmi

Iridocyclitis: It’s hard to at this point, Mike.

Micbhael: Fair

Micbhael: But I have a uh. Rash on my face?

Freesha Vacadoo: oh thats my herpes

Freesha Vacadoo: sorry mikey

Freesha Vacadoo: its treatable dont worry, u too can live a successful and fulfilling life with genital herpes

Micbhael: Richie if this isn’t a bit I’m going to string you up in the barn rafters

Jared 19: shut

Freesha Vacadoo: billiam speaks!

Freesha Vacadoo: and fine micky its not herpes

Freesha Vacadoo: thats one std i can safely say i dont have

Freesha Vacadoo: but i have the fucking itchy face rash near my mouth too so what the fuck do we do now

Jared 19: pls shut

Freesha Vacadoo: he is trying to communicate. amazing.

Iridocyclitis: Richie shut up.

Iridocyclitis: That’s what he’s saying.

Iridocylcitis: Shut up.

Ms Keisha: glad to see im not the only one suffering today

Micbhael: Hi Bev

Freesha Vacadoo: oooh whats yer poison red?

Ms Keisha: my neck is fucking swollen

Ms Keisha: hurts to fucking swallow at all

Iridocyclitis: Beep beep.

Micbhael: Beep beep

Ms Keisha: beep beep

Freesha Vacadoo: jeebus creebus guys cut me some slack

Freesha Vacadoo: molly ringwald is in pain im not gonna fucking joke on her for this

Freesha Vacadoo: this is on your minds

Iridocyclitis: Doubtful, but okay.

Mothertrucker: Oh no Bev :(((

Mothertrucker: Are you managing to drink anything?

Ms Keisha: barely

Ms Keisha: i wanna die

Iridocyclitis: Get in line. I feel disgusting in this fucking bed.

Micbhael: Ah, the sweats

Freesha Vacadoo: its like the inside of mrs ks fat folds right??

Freesha Vacadoo: fucken *moist*

Iridocyclitis: Richard I’ll kill you first.

Ms Keisha: beep fucking beep thats disgusting richie

Micbhael: Oh Richie please no

Mothertrucker: :(((

Jared 19: fuck

Jared 19: off

Jared 19: richie

Freesha Vacadoo: the dead speaks yet again!

Freesha Vacadoo: waitaminute

Ms Keisha: what?

Freesha Vacadoo: wheres eds

Freesha Vacadoo: were all awake at this point why isnt he???

Iridocyclitis: If he’s lucky he’s already dead from this.

Freesha Vacadoo: to quote our fearless leader, staniel

Freesha Vacadoo: *shut*

Micbhael: Not to be rude but I’m going to relish in the quiet before he messages because we all know he’s going to be sick

Micbhael: If we are there’s no way he isn’t

Mothertrucker: Oh no...

Ms Keisha: oh god youre right

Jared 19: f

Freesha Vacadoo: i just saw his moms car drive past

Freesha Vacadoo: ready your popcorn ladies ad getns

Freesha Vacadoo: AND GENTS

Ms Keisha: ad getns

Iridocyclitis: Ad getns

Micbhael: Ad getns

Mothertrucker: Ad getns

Jared 19: ad gents

Freesha Vacadoo: fuckers

WTF Richard: I am going to ask this once and only one time.

Freesha Vacadoo: oh hey eddie spaghetti

Freesha Vacadoo: how ya doin good buddy?

Ms Keisha: god here we go

Iridocyclitis: You do know that statement was redundant, right?

WTF Richard: Shut up, all of you just shut up.

WTF Richard: One time.

WTF Richard: Who the fuck is the whore that has been kissing people.

Ms Keisha: ???????

Freesha Vacadoo: wh

Iridocyclitis: Pardon?

Freesha Vacadoo: what?

WTF Richard: Someone better fucking answer for this.

Jared 19: what. The fuck

Micbhael: Seconded

WTF Richard: IT’S MONO! I HAVE MONO! I HAVE A FUCKING RASH ON MY FACE! I ITCH AND I’M TIRED AND MY MOM TOOK ME INTO THE EMERGENCY CLINIC!

WTF Richard: SO WHO FUCKING DID IT! WHO BROUGHT MONO INTO THE GROUP!

WTF Richard: BECAUSE IT SURE AS FUCK WASN’T ME!

Freesha Vacadoo: MONO??????????

Iridocyclitis: It wasn’t fucking me Eddie, I can tell you that.

Micbhael: Not me either, I’m chaste

Freesha Vacadoo: fancy way of saying ur a virgin

Micbhael: And what about it, Richard?

Iridocyclitis: Richie I swear to God if this is your fault....

Freesha Vacadoo: wow tough crowd

Freesha Vacadoo: u all know i dont kiss anyone except eddies mom

Freesha Vacadoo: so unless she has it too it couldntve been me

Micbhael: Well Eddie?

Micbhael: Does your mom have it too?

WTF Richard: Oh fuck both of you. Fuck you.

WTF Richard: No my mom doesn’t fucking have mono.

Micbhael: Trashmouth is cleared of all charges

Iridocyclitis: For now.

Freesha Vacadoo: ilu2 stanny

Mothertrucker: Stan weren’t you in health last week?

Iridocyclitis: Yes?

Mothertrucker: Weren’t you doing CPR certifications?

Freesha Vacadoo: OOOOOOOH!!!!!!!

Micbhael: Stan....no.......

Iridocyclitis: I resent that accusation.

Iridocyclitis: Especially when Bill over here is always sharing his water bottle during baseball practices.

Iridocyclitis: Always.

Freesha Vacadoo: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Micbhael: Bill.....No.......

Mothertrucker: Bill!! D:

Jared 19: wtf stan

Jared 19: youre one of the people i share with

Jared 19: still couldve been you

Micbhael: Richie, haven’t you been on a spitball kick?

Freesha Vacadoo: and just what in the fresh hell are u implying michael

Micbhael: I’m not implying anything

Micbhael: I’m simply wondering if you always use your own straw

Micbhael: Or if you just grab any that’s available....

Mothertrucker: DDD: Richie nooooo

Iridocyclitis: Richard that is disgusting.

Iridocyclitis: I am so disappointed in you.

Freesha Vacadoo: hey! molly ringwald hasnt said a fucking peep yet!

Freesha Vacadoo: what the fuck is up with that???????

Micbhael: ....It is pretty sus, Bev

Mothertrucker: ........

Jared 19: bev?

Iridocyclitis: Beverly you’re not helping your case here.

Ms Keisha: soooooooooooooooo

Micbhael: Oh my god

Iridocyclitis: No fucking way.

Mothertrucker: DDD:

Freesha Vacadoo: BEVERYL MARSH

Ms Keisha: beveryl

WTF Richard: Oh no you fucking don’t.

WTF Richard: You’re not derailing this with Richie’s fucking typo.

WTF Richard: What the FUCK Bev?!??!

Jared 19: chill out

Jared 19: theres gotta be a reasonable explanation here

Jared 19: right bev?

Ms Keisha: well.

Ms Keisha: ysee.

Ms Keisha: what ha happened wuz

Iridocyclitis: Stalling.

Ms Keisha: fuck you stan

Mothertrucker: Beverly please, it’ll be better once you’ve said it and it’s done with

Ms Keisha: uuuuhghghhhg

Ms Keisha: okay so yknow how betty was out of class the past couple days?

Freesha Vacadoo: YOU MACKED ON BETTY RIPSOM??!?!?!?!!!

Ms Keisha: stfu ill skin u

Freesha Vacadoo: kinky

Freesha Vacadoo: continue

Ms Keisha: anyways

Ms Keisha: we were hanging out a few weeks ago

Ms Keisha: and she told me she’d recently had her first kiss

Ms Keisha: like good for u betty!! geddit girl!!

Ms Keisha: but we were talking make up and boys and the like since i cant exactly do that much with you guys

Ms Keisha: which yeah i know half of you also like boys but its different okay?

Iridocyclitis: Fair.

Micbhael: Understandable

Freesha Vacadoo: i get it but im still bitter and slightly offended

Ms Keisha: anyways we were looking at each others stuff and she has this really nice fuschia purpley matte liquid lip right?

Ms Keisha: so i go hey betty i love that color can i try it or borrow it and she goes sure bev can i try out your new black it looks super smooth and i say why yes betty of course you can

Mothertrucker: So the fall of man began with a fuschia purpley matte liquid lip....

WTF Richard: Fucking incredible. Fucking superb.

WTF Richard: Was it worth it Beverly? Was the fuschia purpely matte lipstick worth contracting Betty Ripsom’s spit disease and spreading it to the rest of your friends? Your *family*?

Ms Keisha: first of all

Ms Keisha: it wasnt a lipstick it was a liquid lip

WTF Richard: Oh god my fucking bad, Bev, please forgive me.

Ms Keisha: youre forgiven

Ms Keisha: second of all

Ms Keisha: ......yes it was worth it bc look at this fucken LOOK

Ms Keisha: [Sent 1 Photo Attachment]

Micbhael: .....She do be lookin tho

Jared 19: oh wow

Mothertrucker: Oh.

Mothertrucker: You know, I think I’m okay with this situation now.

Mothertrucker: You look amazing with that color Bev!!!!!

Ms Keisha: uvu aw shucks guys thanks

Iridocyclitis: Are you guys for real?

Freesha Vacadoo: idk stan, mikes right

Freesha Vacadoo: she do be lookin tho

Iridocyclitis: Hey I’m not denying it’s a nice look, I’m just wondering what the consensus is  
here.

Iridocyclitis: Are we letting Bev off the hook for getting us all sick because she’s pretty?

Iridocyclitis: Isn’t that a little misogynistic?

Freesha Vacadoo: oh staniel

Freesha Vacadoo: your puny mind

Freesha Vacadoo: of course its not misogynistic

Freesha Vacadoo: ok well it is

Freesha Vacadoo: but bev doesnt mind do ya dolly?

Ms Keisha: yeah u kno what i think im good with a lil misogyny rn

Freesha Vacado: exactly!

Iridocyclitis: I’m.

Jared 19: w o w

WTF Richard: :|

Micbhael: WO W!!!!!

Ms Keisha: stfu id rather that than

Ms Keisha: fuck

Ms Keisha: just

Ms Keisha: im really sorry guys

Ms Keisha: i shouldve known better than to use someone elses make up products

Ms Keisha: this is on me

Ms Keisha: you have every right to be upset

Ms Keisha: or angry

Ms Keisha: i completely understand

Jared 19: bev, no one hates you for this

Jared 19: it was an accident

Jared 19: right guys?

Micbhael: Bill’s right, we could never hate you, Bev

Mothertrucker: Never!

Mothertrucker: This is such a stupid small thing, it hardly matters Bev

Mothertrucker: We all forgive you

Freesha Vacadoo: i mean its getting me out of algebra for like a week probs so i see mostly upsides to this

Freesha Vacadoo: in reality uve done us a great service, ms marsh

Ms Keisha: thank u richie

Iridocyclitis: I’m not mad.

Freesha Vacadoo: hes just disappointed

Iridocyclitis: Shut.

Jared 19: :)

Iridocyclitis: As I was saying, I’m not mad. Annoyed, yes, but not mad.

Iridocyclitis: It’s a virus, it’ll be gone eventually.

Iridocyclitis: We’ll live.

Mothertrucker: Eddie?

Mothertrucker: Are you good?

Freesha Vacadoo: cmon eds quit pouting

Freesha Vacadoo: its awful rude to leave a girl hangin

Micbhael: Don’t call me Eds!

Jared 19: don’t call me eds

Mothertrucker: Don’t call me Eds!!

Ms Keisha: dont call me eds!!!!

Iridocyclitis: Don’t call me Eds.

WTF Richard: Okay, one, don’t call me eds.

WTF Richards: Oh fuck you guys.

Freesha Vacadoo: <3

WTF Richard: Shut.

Jared 19: :))

Ms Keisha: bill ur adorable i cant

Micbhael: Big mood there, Ms Marsh

WTF Richard: What I was TRYING to say

WTF Richard: I’m not angry with you Bev

WTF Richard: It’s the situation. Not you.

WTF Richard: It’s so fucking stupid.

WTF Richard: Like. How am I supposed to explain to my mom how I got the kissing virus and not have her be absolutely convinced that I’m kissing people????

WTF Richard: She’s not going to believe anything else, I just know it.

WTF Richard: Fucking stupid that I got the fucking stupid kissing virus before I’ve even been fucking kissed is all.

Ms Keisha: oh eddie :(

Micbhael: Oh oof man

Freesha Vacadoo: hm

Freesha Vacadoo: inch resting

WTF Richard: What the fuck does that mean?????

Iridocyclitis: Oh my god.

Iridocyclitis: Richie no.

Ms Keisha: oh richie yes!!!!!!!

Mothertrucker: OMG go Richie!!!

WTF Richard: What????? The???? Fuck?????

Micbhael: Oh my fucking god he is not

Jared 19: kjsdhafdkjsfhkdajfkdjfdj

~~~~

Richie’s fever hadn’t exactly broken yet. The cool Spring breeze waved against his skin in refreshing ebbs and flows. It felt incredible against his boiling body. 

Perhaps it was because of the fever. Fevers make you delirious, right? Headaches probably don’t assist in the critical thinking department either. Both of his parents were at work, Maggie leaving soup on the stove and medicine on Richie’s bedside table, so there was no one home to stop Richie from pulling himself from his bed and out the front door. He downed some high strength ibuprofen before leaving, of course, or else he wouldn’t be walking. Walking down the street. Turning the corner. The wind rushed past his face and through his ears and Richie swore he could hear a sort of symphony in it, a song in the air that whispered into his head. He’d never heard it before that he could remember, but maybe that was because he had never gone outside when he was sick like this. Maybe you could only understand the wind’s secrets when your head was full of cotton and your brain was swimming in your skull like a restless fish in a bowl, tossing side to side and searching, searching, searching. What was he searching for? 

Oh yeah.

Eddie. 

He was upset because he’d never been kissed before, but he still got the kissing disease. It was so stupid, a stupid dumb thing to be complaining about. It was ridiculous that out of everything to be bitching about, germaphobe hypochondriac Eddie Kaspbrak was the most upset by the cosmic unfairness of the whole situation. It was laughable, really. Richie should be on his phone right now giving him absolute hell for it. 

But he was not. Instead, Richie was sneaking his sick, rashy, sweaty ass to the Kaspbrak house and shimmying up the oak tree that grew so conveniently next to the house, so conveniently brushing against Eddie’s bedroom window. 

God, this was a bad idea. All of Richie’s muscles were still sore. It felt like his body screamed with every inch of movement. But he grit his teeth and pushed the pain aside, because he was 16 and braindead and a complete sap.

Richie tiptoed across the branch and stepped on the Kaspbrak’s roof, then knocked on Eddie’s window- Shave and a haircut. He waited and listened.

Two bits.

Richie leaned back a step as Eddie pushed his curtains aside and lifted the window up. The bags under his eyes were a little more pronounced than usual, Richie noticed, and his hair was sticking out in random places. He was frowning, and Richie could see the little red bumps forming a cluster around the lower right corner of Eddie’s lips- Just like his.

“What the fuck, Richie?!” Eddie angry-whispered. He took a moment to look Richie over, big brown eyes growing bigger by the second as he took in just how trashed his best friend looked. “Are you- did you seriously just walk all the way here on day two of your virus? Are you fucking kidding me? The second day is literally the worst day, how are you moving at all?!”

“Like, 800 milligrams of ibuprofen, my dude.”

“Jesus christ. Get in here, you fucking idiot.” Eddie reached out his arms to help Richie crawl into his room without making too much noise. It wasn’t the first time Richie had snuck in, of course not, with how often Mrs. Kaspbrak put Eddie on house arrest. They had a routine at this point, a little dance they did to guide Richie’s body through the window making nary a sound, a lift and bend and step and leap and grip that made Richie’s heart swell with fondness each time they performed it. 

They both settled onto Eddie’s bed with as subtle an oomph as they could manage. Richie’s head was spinning a little bit at all the movement he’d just done. Eddie looked at him in concern, placing a hand on his face to perhaps steady the bobbling of Richie’s head. Was he the one moving his head? He thought that had just been the room spinning.

“Hey, jackass, you good?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, totally.”

“Yeah right, I’ll believe you when you can focus your eyes on one thing.”

“If you wanted me to stare at you Eddie Spaghetti, all you had to do was ask.” Eddie scowled.

“Shut up. This isn’t a joke. You could be light headed or having a stroke if your eyes can’t focus. Concentrate, Richie, this is actually important.” With a deep inhale, Richie closed his eyes and pulled them to relax, be still, for once. He slowly reopened his eyes, looking directly into Eddie’s baby browns. Eddie was watching him carefully, looking for signs of disorientation or one eye moving differently than the other. He let out a small sigh before nodding.

“Okay, you look fine, probably just-”

“Just fine? You wound me, Eds.”

“Shut the fuck up, Richie. God, why are you even here? What fucking possessed you to come over here at 3pm on your second day of mono? Are you demented? Are you even more diseased than previously thought, or are you just fucking stupid?” Richie blinked blankly back at him.

“Well, I mean, yeah, I’m stupid, we can’t ignore that, that’s why I’m in all advanced courses, cause I’m a fucking idiot. Hit the nail on the head there, Kaspbrak-” Eddie pinched Richie’s cheek with the hand he’d been resting on it. Right. Shit. Beep beep, Richie.

“Ow, fucking ouch, release me, crab boy! Put the pincers away! I just saw what you said in the group chat and like, I guess-”

“Which thing?”

“What?”

“Which thing I said in the group chat?”

“You- the, the thing! The thing you said about the thing! The thing!” Richie gestured emphatically, trying desperately to get the point across. He would have said ‘I’m here because you wanted to be kissed and I thought I’d volunteer for the position, I’m a highly qualified candidate, if you’d take a look at my resume here you’ll find I have kissed exactly one more boy than you probably have, very impressive, I know.’ But his head, Richie’s head was so full of cotton, his head was like a seashell and he was hearing the ocean rushing in his ears and could feel the waves rolling over each groove and ridge of his brain. What the fuck were words? Richie couldn’t tell you. Richie could only hope and pray that Eddie was secretly a telepath because this talking thing just wasn’t working for him right now.

“Thing? What thing, Richie? I said lots of things! Use adjectives! Try some nouns, smartass! What are they putting you through honors english for if this is what you pull out of your ass under pressure?”

“Your kiss!” Richie blurted out.

‘Well,’ Richie thought in the following silence, ‘‘Kiss’ was a noun, and the ‘your’ acted as an adjective describing whose kiss it was. Looks like the sentence checks out, Mr. Kaspbrak. Do I get extra credit now?’

“Th-the kiss? Wh- Wait, what I said about...about...” Eddie’s body language was at war, it seemed to Richie. On one hand, his shoulders were stiff, jaw set, arm that was up and outstretched towards Richie’s face rigid and goose bumped. On the other hand, his fingers twitched against Richie’s cheek, and he leaned slightly closer, Richie wasn’t just imagining it, and he swore those brown eyes were full of hope, not fear. They had to be. The definitely were, fuck, Richie was sure of it.

“You said it was unfair. That you, uh, you got the kissing sickness without even having been kissed before. Pretty rough deal, huh? Totally unfair. Like, seriously, how fucking rude of the universe, it’s ridiculous, seriously. So, uh, so like, like, why uh, why not, I could um, I could totally fix that for you. That grave error on the part of the universe. Call me Bob the Builder because I can sure as shit fix that.” Richie bit his lip. A Bob the builder joke? Really? When he was trying to kiss Eddie? Had he really stooped so low? Eddie’s jaw dropped slightly.

“You-you wanna fix it? Fix, fix what, the, the, me not being ki-” The word stuck in his throat and he swallowed it back down, though he so badly wanted to just spit it out. Richie nodded quickly then stopped, grimacing at how the movement made his head ache.

“Yeah. Yeah, I wanna fix that. It hardly seems fair, right? To have the kissing illness without even getting to be kissed?”

“....Yeah. It’s, it’s super unfair. I’d, I’d um, could you...?”

Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face and used the leverage to pull him forward. Eddie’s hands gripped into Richie’s hair and his sweatpants, closing his eyes and letting himself fall toward Richie.

By all means, the kiss should’ve been disgusting. They both had mono rashes edging around their mouths, Richie was sticky with wind-dried sweat and a fever that was still too warm for comfort, and Eddie should’ve been absolutely repulsed by every single thing going on in that very moment. But he wasn’t. Because he didn’t care. Because Richie cupped his head gently in his big, warm hands and held him close, smoothing his thumbs over Eddie’s cheekbones and he gasped into the kiss like he’d just taken his first inhale of oxygen after having to hold his breath for centuries. His lungs had been screaming, screaming for it, for him to just take it, and he hadn’t, not until this very moment. Eddie sighed into Richie’s dry, cracked lips, melting into his touch like he’d just made the decision to let go of himself for once and just freefall. Eddie kissing Richie, Richie kissing Eddie, was the closest either of them had ever experienced to flying.

Richie could feel his palms growing clammier and clammier, and he was sure a bead of fucking hand sweat was about to roll down his palm and hit Eddie’s face. Richie really, really did not want that, and pulled his hands down and rested them on Eddie’s knees. Eddie made a displeased noise- a rather cute one, at that -and pulled back from Richie. They both gasped at the break, finally landing back on the bed after being in the clouds for what felt like so long, but had only really been seconds. 

“What- are, was that, okay? Rich?” Eddie’s voice was small and scared. Richie gripped his knees tight in response.

“Yes, fuck, Eds, yes, that was more than alright, believe me, okay? Fucking superb. Perfect. I’m serious, I’m, I just, I was sweaty and I didn’t wanna get my gross boy sweat all over your face-”

“So you’re wiping it on my shorts instead?”

“Yes.” Their eye contact was serious and loaded for all of two seconds before they both broke, giggling and leaning against each other, and if one of them nuzzled their face into the others neck, well, who was there to call him on it? Their laughter eased and Eddie lifted Richie’s face to look at his eyes. 

“You probably need to head home, Rich.”

“You are my home.” Eddie’s eyes blew wide and he tried to school his face into a serious look, but the smile was wiggling its way through.

“You’re literally delirious. You are on so much medicine and you are sick. You need to go home, to your actual house, and rest, Richie.” Richie sighed and nodded a little against Eddie’s head.

“Yeah, I know...Don’t wanna go though. Don’t wanna leave you.”

“Wow, so all it takes for the trashmouth to be nice is a kiss, huh? I should use that power more often.”

“You definitely should. All the time.” Eddie smiled and scritched the hair at the nape of Richie’s neck.

“Let’s get over this fucking virus and bathe first, then we can...we can do that. All the time.” Richie smiled back.

“Deal.” He leaned forward and gave Eddie a quick peck on the lips before moving to take his place by the open window. Eddie crawled after him, and as he led and supported Richie through the window, Richie noticed little things: Eddie’s hand on his knee, on his calf, making sure he didn’t hit the sill; Eddie’s breath spreading across Richie’s skin and leaving bumps and chills in their wake. Somehow, the dance was the same, exactly the same, and somehow it was so, so different. Richie landed softly on the roof and walked the branch tightrope back into the tree. Once on the ground again, he looked up to Eddie, who was hanging halfway out his window, making sure Richie didn’t fall. Richie blew a kiss up to him, and a lopsided grin bloomed on Eddie’s face. He stuck his tongue out at Richie, who grinned and gave a little wave before turning and walking home. He felt a little lightheaded, and he was definitely going to pass out as soon as he got home, but he couldn’t give a single fuck. There simply were none left to give.

~~~~

Loser Chat

Ms Keisha: ohmygodomgydodomghodmgomggod

Micbhael: Is...is this real life? Is this really happening?

Micbhael: Right now? Right here, in front of my salad?

Ms Keisha: staniel, binoculars, status report NOW

Iridocyclitis: Hm.

Mothertrucker: Hm? Hmmm? What hmmm????

Iridocyclitis: Hm.

Ms Keisha: on god i will end u stanley

Iridocyclitis: I highly doubt that, but go off, Beverly.

Mothertrucker: Stan please.

Mothertrucker: I’m dying over here.

Mothertrucker: I can see the light getting closer and closer.

Mothertrucker: My last few moments, Stan.

Mothertrucker: Please, please make them count for something.

Micbhael: AHFJDKSFSAKF BEN

Ms Keisha: BEN LMFAO

Jared 19: stan u heard the man

Jared 19: he’s dying, stan

Jared 19: would you deny a man his dying wish?

Iridocyclitis: You. Are all so stupid.

Iridocyclitis: He climbed into Eddie’s window.

Iridocyclitis: He stayed in there for a little while.

Iridocyclitis: He climbed out of Eddie’s window and went home.

Iridocyclitis: I don’t know what more you want from me.

Mothertrucker: Stan you cold fiend. You heartless monster. You cruel master of knowledge that you dangle in front of us, playing god.

Mothertrucker: You are not god.

Ms Keisha: benny did ur mom give you more sleepy meds?

Mothertrucker: Yes.

Mothertrucker: Perhaps.

Ms Keisha: cool just wondering, pls continue

WTF Richard: Wow.

WTF Richard: You people are animals.

Mothertrucker: Mayhaps.

Micbhael: Ben go to sleep buddy

Freesha Vacadoo: for the record i would like to have it put down in writing that i am nothing if not a determined and ambitious motherfucing bastard

Freesha Vacado: and i am also going to sleep for 20 hours and dream of kissing eddie again <3

WTF Richard: RICHIE

Mothertrucker: MY LONGEST YEAH BOY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ms Keisha: YEAAAAAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOYYYYYYYSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jared 19: JKHDFADKJSHF AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Micbhael: 8O

WTF Richard: SHUT

Jared 19: :)))


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a lil follow up for our crazy kids. ive had this done for weeks i just kept forgetting to post lol. this goes out to the shark puppy server, we fuckin ride or die babys

Thursday

Loser Chat

Jared 19: are we still doing rustys tomorrow?

Jared 19: please say yes

Micbhael: I’m game

Mothertrucker: Sure!

WTF Richard: Why wouldn’t we???

Ms Keisha: hell yeah!

Iridocyclitis: Because this week has been hell and we’re all exhausted. Yes I’m going to Rusty’s.

Freesha Vacadoo: oh my good sir, if my dearest darlingest eddie will be attending then i shant miss it for the world!

WTF Richard: “Shant”???? Fucking “shant”?????

Micbhael: Hm. Ew.

Ms Keisha: google whats the grossest emoji face i can make

WTF Richard: You’re gonna say fucking “shant”???????

Jared 19: richie pls

Mothertrucker: Guys stop!!!

Jared 19: i cant do this

Mothertrucker: They’re cute!!!

Jared 19: im not strong enough

Micbhael: I’ve got you Bill

Micbhael: We can be strong together, with our powers combined

Ms Keisha: w o w

Freesha Vacadoo: OH WHAT THE FUCK THATS GAYER THAN ANYTHING I JUST SAID

WTF Richard: Not gonna lie, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

WTF Richard: Thanks, Mike.

Jared 19: richie ive punched you once and ill do it again

Iridocyclitis: I love gays. But you are all so stupid.

Iridocyclitis: God bless.

Micbhael: Stan, vibe check this gangly motherfucker

Mothertrucker: Oh no

Iridocyclitis: Oh?

WTF Richard: HAHAHAHAHAHA

WTF Richard: BEV GET THE POPCORN

Ms Keisha: im wigglin into my seat lets GO

Jared 19: :)

Freesha Vacadoo: u r all traitors

Freesha Vacadoo: do ur worst piss boy

Ms Keisha: RICHIE NO

WTF Richard: Wow, I’m gonna be a widow young, huh?

Mothertrucker: D:

Jared 19: :)))

Ms Keisha: hes really taking his time huh...

Micbhael: Oh this is about to be a whole novel

Freesha Vacadoo: ur words cant hurt me these shades r gucci

WTF Richard: Can I have your comic books when you die?

Freesha Vacadoo: no those r going to haystack since hes the only motherfucker in this chat who supports me

Mothertrucker: Thanks Richie

Mothertrucker: I’ll think of you every time I read them

Mothertrucker: Sucks about you having to die though :(

Jared 19: dsjkahfjkdsjfds

Iridocyclitis: Richard Wentworth Tozier I am going to say this once and never again. If you call me “piss boy” again I can and will go into your house and kidnap you, throw you in a sack, and hang you in a tree somewhere on Mike’s farm. Mike will help me because he is not a pussy, unlike you. I will then move into your room and live in your house with your family. I will date Eddie. I will be loved by everyone. And you will come back from your time in the tree and you will see this all and you will realize with great sorrow in your heart that I am better than you in every single way.

Iridocyclitis: And you will never fucking call me “piss boy” again.

Ms Keisha: SKJAFHDSKJFHSD

WTF Richard: AASDHJFDSJFH

Freesha Vacadoo: hm

Micbhael: I SAID VIBE CHECK NOT KILL HIM

Jared 19: :DDD

Freesha Vacadoo: hmmmmmmmm

Mothertrucker: We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Richie Tozier.

WTF Richard: AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Ms Keisha: BEN NOOOOOO

Mothertrucker: He lived a short, strange life, and leaves behind a grieving boyfriend and all of 5 whole friends.

Micbhael: BEN HOLY FUCK

Jared 19: adkjfdsjkfh

Iridocyclitis: One of whom is his murderer.

Mothertrucker: Stan I’m the one eulogizing, please.

Mothertrucker: Fuck off.

Freesha Vacadoo: YOOOOOOOOOOOO

Iridocyclitis: I.

WTF Richard: DJKFDKJAFSFDSJ

Ms Keisha: oh my god

Iridocyclitis: I’m not sure what the correct course of action is here.

Iridocyclitis: I can’t vibe check Ben because his vibes are impeccable.

Iridocyclitis: But I’ve been challenged and I don’t like it.

Micbhael: Like a territorial bird...

Mothertrucker: May I continue this eulogy for our dearly departed friend in peace?

Freesha Vacadoo: yeah guys id like to b buried in the cold dark earth already

Freesha Vacadoo: greet me oh sweet release of death

Iridocyclitis: I’ll give you this round, Hanscom.

Mothertrucker: Thank you.

Mothertrucker: As I was saying, Richie Tozier leaves behind a loving friend group to whom he was like a brother.

Mothertrucker: Only to some, though, because I really do hope that Eddie does not see Richie as a brother.

Mothertrucker: I really, truly hope that.

WTF Richard: BEN THATS DISGUSTING

Jared 19: dafjdsjkfdj

Ms Keisha: oh my fucking god

Mothertrucker: Anyways, he left me his comic books and I think that was really cool of him.

Mothertrucker: Goodbye, Trashmouth. Thank you for the wonderful memories of talking about my fat like it was hamburger meat. I’ll never forget you.

Mothertrucker: Cover him up, boys.

Micbhael: Im fucking clapping

Iridocyclitis: Best funeral I’ve ever been to.

Iridocyclitis: Bill can’t come to the phone right now, he’s openly weeping.

Freesha Vacadoo: i decidedly do Not like attending my own funeral

Ms Keisha: eddie im so sorry for ur loss. my condolences.

Freesha Vacadoo: like. At all.

WTF Richard: Are you okay Richie?

Freesha Vacadoo: no yeah im totally cool just like.

Freesha Vacadoo: nauseous thinkin about my own death its cool its whatever we r vibin

Mothertrucker: Oh no Richie I’m sorry!!!

Iridocyclitis: A bit that went too far for the Trashmouth? Who would’ve guessed.

WTF Richard: Hey fuck you Stan, we all have our limits.

WTF Richard: Don’t be a piece of shit about it.

Iridocyclitis: You’re right. Sorry, Rich. Are you okay?

Freesha Vacadoo: no yeah im chill

Freesha Vacadoo: i didnt even know like. that that was something that freaked me out????

Freesha Vacadoo: but like hey good to know now for future reference

Freesha Vacadoo: note to self dont spend too long thinking about ur inevitable death and the world moving on w/o u

Freesha Vacadoo: its no bueno

Micbhael: So.

Micbhael: A little awkward on the timing.

Micbhael: But one of the ewes is about to go into labor if yall wanna come see

Freesha Vacadoo: oh FUCK yes

Freesha Vacadoo: sign me up for that lussy

WTF Richard: What in the sweet fuck is lussy? Do I want to know?

Freesha Vacadoo: dat lamb pussy doe

WTF Richard: I’m breaking up with you.

Freesha Vacadoo: want me to pick u up on my way to mikes?

WTF Richard: Yes please.

Iridocyclitis: And we’re back.

Ms Keisha: nothing like the miracle of birth to save a friendship

Ms Keisha: i gotta swing by the store for some stuff first tho

Mothertrucker: I’m coming Mike! Bev do you want me to wait for you?

Ms Keisha: thatd be awesome, thanks ben :)

Iridocyclitis: Bill and I are on our way.

Iridocyclitis: He’s still giggling.

~~~~

Friday

The entirety of the school day was spent rehashing the birth of surprise twin lambs Castor and Pollux on the farm. They were the first twins born to the Hanlon herd and the birth had been bloody and glorious. Mike had just helped his grandpa deliver the first lamb when the unexpected second passenger of Miss Leda the Ewe began to peak out. Bev had immediately dived into the scene, sticking her hand all the way up there and listening to Grandpa Hanlon’s instructions. The awe on Ben’s face was only rivaled by the raw horror on Bill’s. Stan had nearly fainted; Eddie actually did. Richie swore up and down he hadn’t thrown up, but he’d also walked out of the barn at some point and had been unaccounted for for a number of minutes.

Walking to Rusty’s, Richie kept crouching down behind people, baa-ing aggressively, and trying to rush forward and push through their legs to “re-enact the miracle of birth we witnessed!” Bill ended up wiping out twice and busting his knee open, causing the party to pause as Eddie patched him up and screamed at Richie in an amazing display of multi-tasking. 

The Loser’s took their usual seats at Rusty’s, chatting and laughing and waiting for Eddie to return from the ice cream shop. The vibes were good, tired, but good, careless and joyful and starving for some meat and grease and salt. 

Then Eddie took his seat next to Richie, and Richie leaned over for his customary bite.

“OW!” Richie yelped, reeling back from Eddie and cradling his nose in his hands. Eddie’s eyes were wide and bounced from loser to loser, all of his friends now staring at him after he’d smacked Richie in the face before he could touch his ice cream. “What the fuck, Eds?!”

“That’s not my name, and I- I- Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hit you, shit, Rich, are you okay?” Visible panic set in on Eddie’s face. He brought his hand up to try to push Richie’s hands away from his nose but Richie leaned further away, nearly trying to hide behind Ben. 

“Fuck off! Don’t you fucking baby me after you’re the one that broke me! Why in the goddamn fuck did you hit me, asshole?”

“You were about to eat my ice cream!”

“I always eat your ice cream!”

“But this is- I don’t want to get sick again, okay? I caught mono because you had it and I ate after you and I just, I want to be cautious, okay?” Richie’s jaw dropped.

“Eddie. I had my tongue in your mouth literally this morning, and you’re worried about catching my germs from sharing ice cream with me?” Stan made a noise of disgruntled disgust, but raised an eyebrow at Eddie. All the Losers did. Eddie blushed deeply and looked around for someone, anyone to have his back on this, but he was only met with 5 faces all going, ‘What the fuck?’

That’s when Dickie came out with everyone’s food. Plates were passed around, napkins laid, and Eddie’s hypocrisy almost forgotten.

Smack.

Stan retracted his hand from where it hovered above Mike’s fries, shock and borderline betrayal painting his features. Mike was nearly unreadable, his gaze not wavering from Stan’s.

“Michael. You cannot be serious right now.”

“Stanley. I just think the man may have a point.”

“What man?” Stan snorted.

“Fuck you, bro.” Eddie scowled.

In the stand off around Mike’s fry basket, Ben took an opportunity to slowly slide his unopened bottle of cola to his left side. He prayed the dramatics would be enthralling enough that Beverly wouldn’t-

“Ben! Really?!” Ah, fuck.

“Why don’t I just buy you one, I mean, it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?” Ben shrunk slightly under Bev’s incredulous gaze. It’s not like he would normally turn down any chance at an indirect kiss, okay, Ben knew who he was as a person. But he also knew how awful being sick had just been, and maybe Eddie and Mike had the right idea.

“What have we become?” Richie groaned and covered his entire face with his hands. “Are we going to be pussies about a little germ switching now? We literally play in dirty quarry water during the summers. I have licked the face of every person at this table. Bill has kissed each of us at least once. So has Bev. I’m pretty sure Eds has had all of our blood on his hands at some point too. What the fuck is the point of trying to avoid it? Just give me the goddamn cone and-”

Sluuuuuuurp.

Six pairs of eyes slowly turned to look between Eddie and Mike, where Bill was taking a long sip from Mike’s lemonade. Bev smirked, trying hard to contain the giggles building up. Mike whipped around to her and reached over Stan to grab Bev’s hamburger bun, bringing it up to his face, licking it and slamming it back down on her burger. Her jaw dropped. Richie snatched Ben’s cola, popped it open with his pocket knife, and took a gulp, slamming it down right in front of him. Ben looked crestfallen, but momentary eye contact with Eddie brought a small, mischievous smile to his face, and a look of raw fear to Eddie’s.

“Ben, stay the fuck back, don’t you fucking dare-” And then there was a finger in Eddie’s ice cream. Eddie’s eyes trailed up to the finger’s owner, and Bill smiled sweetly at him as he scooped a chunk of ice cream up into his mouth. Ben grinned and reached over to high five Bill for their tremendous show of teamwork. Eddie looked about a second away from shoving his ice cream cone straight into Bill’s face, so Richie gently extracted the cone from his hand took some small kitten licks from it, keeping eye contact with his boyfriend. Eddie deflated as he watched. Richie didn’t have puppy-dog eyes like Eddie did; he had kitten eyes, where he knew he was being a menace but he was just so gosh darned adorable and faux-innocent looking that he just barely managed to get away with whatever crimes he had or was currently committing. 

“...So does this mean I can have a fry, Mike?” Stan asked, head cradled in his hands. Mike sighed. Bev raised an eyebrow at Ben, who sheepishly slid his soda over to her. Bill slurped loudly from Mike’s lemonade again.

“Yeah, Stan. Yeah, you can.”

~~FIN~~


End file.
